Frustrated.
That's a word that comes to mind alot when I try to write journal entries.
Today, I am frustrated with my health, which I will not dwell on here.
But over the past few days, I've been frustrated with my art. I am frustrated that I don't have anything "new" I can post, and I don't know if I ever will.
My attempts at various works are always my way of trying my hardest to get a vision in my head or in front of my eyes out to other people. And I often fail miserably, like when I pick up a pencil and think that because I can see a room so clearly, I should be able to sketch it clearly. And it just doesn't work that way.
When I see nature or rain or beauty, I want someone other than me to share it with me. Share what it does to me. I don't know how. So when I write, I often try to get EVERY last detail down, hoping that if the person reading has all those exact details, they may be affected similarly to me.
But poetry, art, photograpy. I just can't even come close to doing that. It just doesn't work. I see a landscape, and my soul soars. I want you to see it with me. But I pick up my camera and the lens isn't big enough to see the whole thing. And if I try anyway, there's no way to zoom in on all the detail I can see with my eyes.
Poetry. I hate poetry. I write poetry at the rate of about 1 poem every 3 years. Something just has to come to me, and then I write it down. I can sit here and ache to tell you about the beautiful lines the rain is making on the windows here, but nothing will come to allow me to make a poem out of the emotion or my vision.
And frustration. of people. and annoyance. and distraction. evil.
~ * ~
So I come back after the interruption, and am even more frustrated. Because I have a plan for these things. I knew what I was going to say. And my current ailment keeps me from staying very focused for very long, and I have no idea how I was going to finish off that entry.
And this keyboard sucks so bad i want to shove it up someone's tight motherfucking ass. It drops every 3rd leter or something. I'm a fast typist. This blows.
and homophobes suck ass. Unfortunately, not in a good way.
And art and sex can and do have stuff to do with each other.
And I thought DA was inclusive becuase it says it's "art" and it let me, the writer, join, so I was happy. Except, I always thought musicians and filmmakers were artists too. I guess their medium is too hard to include on DA???
anyway, it sucks when you come to a place that you think is inclusive and you find out how many bigoted assholes there are here instead. never in my life have i been in a community as bigoted as this one, and i grew up in hawaii and port orchard, WA. Hawaii is amazingly racist, and PO is amazingly redneckville.
and anther distraction.
Frustration. evil.
new deviation!
